


kimi no nawa

by candeeapple234



Series: perfection verse [4]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cemetery, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-21
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-18 03:02:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29602881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/candeeapple234/pseuds/candeeapple234
Summary: kimi no nawajapanese for your name---Alexander Hamilton was used to going to the cemetery alone. He normally bought some yellow flowers from the florist nearby his apartment and then took the bus to the cemetery. And then he would locate Mamá's grave, place the flowers, sit down and talk to her.This year was slightly different.
Relationships: Alexander Hamilton/John Laurens
Series: perfection verse [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2150622
Comments: 4
Kudos: 19





	kimi no nawa

**Author's Note:**

> heyo lovelies! I wanted to write something on the 19th of February so I did some research and turns out it was Alexander's mom's death anniversary! so I banged this out in 2 days. please pretend I posted it 2 days ago for maximum poignancy :)

Alexander Hamilton was used to going to the cemetery alone. He normally bought some yellow flowers from the florist nearby his apartment and then took the bus to the cemetery. And then he would locate Mamá's grave, place the flowers, sit down and talk to her. 

This year was slightly different.

Firstly, he was not alone. Secondly, he was not taking the bus. Alexander stared out the window, seeing the buildings pass by in a blur as John drove to the cemetery. The flowers (obviously yellow ones because his Mamá's favourite colour was yellow) sat in his lap. Even after visiting her grave annually for 12 years, a heavy feeling sunk and settled in his heart. Usually they would be chatting animatedly whenever they sat in the car. Maybe even have a small argument about what music to play (Alexander always won). But there was no music this time. For once, Alexander preferred the silence. 

He still sat unmoving in John's car even as John pulled over and parked it. It took John opening the car door for him and extending his hand to pull him up for Alexander to find the willpower to get out of the car.

He passed through rows and rows of headstones, John's hand still in his. He located the grave (5 rows down, 1 row to the right) and placed the flowers in front of it.

" _Hola mamá._ "

He sat down behind the flowers, pulling John down with him. Their hands were still interlinked. He looked at John who was sitting rigidly on the soft grass. He realised this must have reminded him of his own mother, who also passed away oh too soon. 

"C'mon, say hi to my mom."

"Uh, hello Alexander's Mom."

He could picture his mother standing by the doorway of his childhood home smiling back and telling John to come inside for tea. Even though they did not have much, Mamá made it a point to invite all of his partners over for tea, no matter the gender.

He sidled closer to John, leaning on him. John put his hand on his waist and pulled him closer.

"You know why I never introduce myself as Alex? Even though it's so much easier to say than Alexander?"

"You don't have to tell me if you wan-"

Alex shook his head and glanced at the marble headstone.

"No, I want you to know. I think Mamá would want you to know too."

John began to run his fingers through Alexander's matted and tangled hair as Alexander leaned in closer to John's side.

"My father named me despite Mamá's wishes. She absolutely hated the name Alexander. She said that it was too English, like my father. She wanted me to have some connection to my Caribbean roots. So she never called me by my full name. It was either _Alejandro_ or Alex. When she passed away, I… I wanted to keep that part of her with me."

Alexander could feel the tears slip down his face but he did not care. He focused on John's fingers going through his hair, untangling each kink. 

"It's stupid, I know. You probably think I'm stupid now."

A bitter laugh escaped his lips. Which then turned into a sniffle and then became big, wracking sobs.

John continued to stroke his hair soothingly as he weeped into John. He had not cried this hard since the day he found her body cold and still. He remembered shouting and praying for her to say something, _anything_. Just like most other things in his life, his prayers were unanswered. 

He could vaguely hear John whispering sweet nothings into his ear as he cried and cried. He made out nothing of what John said but it slowly but surely calmed the turbulent hurricane in his heart.

It could have been minutes or years when his tears ran out. He took a packet of tissues from his pocket and dried his tears. Alexander used his arm to wipe the remaining tears away. Looking up, he could see the afternoon sun start dipping down. He turned and faced the grave.

"Mamá, it's late. I should go. I'll see you soon."

John stood up first and pulled Alexander up like he did from the car. He turned back and stared at the white headstone as he walked away with John. He asked his mother a question and he swore he could hear her voice answer. He smiled—actually smiled—and turned, placing his head on John's shoulder.

The car ride back home was infinitely less sombre than the ride to the cemetery. They laughed and talked about random things. Alexander wanted to have a cup of coffee, so the two decided to go to Laf's cafe. 

When Laf saw them, he waved enthusiastically. They tried to buy 2 coffees but Laf said no. 

"I have money to waste, and I shall waste it on you two." 

And that was how Alexander got his 10 shot coffee for free. He downed his monstrosity in a gulp. John, who was sitting in front of him, looked at him with mock disgust. 

"I can't believe you can drink that Alexander-"

"Alex."

"W-what?" 

"Call me Alex." 

Without warning, John leaned over and kissed ~~Alexander~~ Alex. As he returned the kiss, Alex saw from the corner of his eye a silhouette of a woman smiling at him.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! if you want me to write something please suggest it in the comments I have gotten inspo from yall before :D


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